im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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