if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you made out with another girl for some wings
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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