She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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