Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
