Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
