Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
