Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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