i love accidental penises.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
