Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
