apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
