when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
