it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
