my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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