I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
