i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wear drunk well.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
