I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize