really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
