I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i love accidental penises.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
