Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
