so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
