Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
