He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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