I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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