Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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