she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
