I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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