You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
