i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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