So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The power of my boobs compel you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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