You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
