eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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