Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
