Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
