I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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