Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
