Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
is that a dick in a sweater?
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