Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
