Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
