All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
