It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
