why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
