AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize