watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
