No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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