Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
