dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
