i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
