He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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