I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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