woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
