I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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