i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
