The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize