Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
