u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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