I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
