Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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