Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
