For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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