apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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