So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
