the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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