I wish you could order shots online.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
