Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
