we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
