Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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