Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
