Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
