Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
